he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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