i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
