shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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