textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
