Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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