hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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