hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
