Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
