take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
