So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
