okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
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And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
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As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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