My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize