Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
