my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
