Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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