SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
