just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
