so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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