I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
