I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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