best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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