Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
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