Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
