if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
