I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
