It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
