There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
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