There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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