Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
