i permit you to call me
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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