He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
