When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
