He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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