PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You took a bar mat shot.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
