I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
