if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
