Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
