I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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