I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
