Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
