Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
