Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
