come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
