We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
