she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
