So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
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