Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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