I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
