I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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