Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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