"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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