I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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