WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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