thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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