I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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