the condom got lost in my hair
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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