Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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