this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
As shirtless as possible
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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