C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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