plz talk dirty to me
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
