Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
