I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
