She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
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When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
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I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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