I have demons in me.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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