Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
