i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You dont lie about slip and slides
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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