i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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