I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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