I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
